Fear Not, For I Am With You!

it's really not good to have too long a break and got nothing in mind!

for the past 1 week, life was a complete misery for me.. negative thoughts just kept coming into my mind.. i felt really lost, really tired.. it’s a real torment.. was struggling to get things sorted out.. cant find any peace and joy.. felt super uncomfortable that i really got the thought of going back to my old self, felt like hiding myself up.. it's to an extend that when you want to find someone to tok to, there is no one around.. and if there is someone for you, you juz dont feel like toking.. :(

it’s juz like you had put on the lock, and it’s juz a step away to either remove the lock or lock it and that’s it! it's a really really tough process to go thru, as the outcome of both action will be completely different.. at times, it just seems like i've already gotten over things, but the fact is, i had not completely got over, and negative thoughts will juz come and go as they wished to..

really thank god he had never forsaken me and never leave me in my toughest time.. in fact now i really know why we will have to go thru such tough process at times.. sometimes we are juz to complacent with our present life that we may had forgotten about god’s goodness to us.. and at these times, god will let us go thru sufferings to remind us to go back to him, to remind us how weak we humans can be.. it’s even to the extend that we can feel really helpless and all we can do is to cry out to him and seek him.. :)

i guess i had already completely get things over, and had learnt many things thru this process.. god reminded me and teaches me many things over the past 1 week.. haha.. i give thanks to him that it’s only 1 week and not 1 month, or even up to 1 year.. :p

few things that god taught/ reminded me:

1. how to be more open up to him and to others
2. how to look at things from different perspectives
3. how to seek him and feel his presence
4. we need to spend the effort to take some actions to see things changed
5. have faith in him and not doubt him
6. the harder it is, the greater the glory
7. for all things that happen, it happen for a reason.. and ultimately it is to glorify his name
8. dont think about what others think, juz do the right thing for him
9. juz do things that are within our abilities and capabilities, for whatever we do, we are doing it for him.. he sees and appreciate wat we do..
10. always know that he is in control of all things, and he has his best timing and plan for all things..
11. he really understands and knows wat we are thinking and how we are feeling, juz got to fix our eyes upon him, open our hearts to him, and follows wat he wants us to do, and he will open his doors for us..

experienced his goodness to me yesterday.. went to airport with angie, esther, sarah, and weiying.. when i’m on my way home, was feeling a bit tired.. got the urge to take a cab home.. coz wat i have in mind is to get home fast! haha.. in the end, i did not take a cab.. took mrt to kallang to change bus.. while i was walking to the bus stop, i was hoping that i will not wait too long for my bus to come.. so i juz made a short conversation with god.. i said that, god if u are really good to me, please let my bus come juz as i reach the bus stop, so i do not need to wait so long for the bus to come.. and when i juz reach the bus stop, i turned around to see if there’s any bus coming, i saw my bus.. at that moment, i was so shocked that there is nothing i can do or think but to give thanks and praise him for his goodness! that’s not the end.. haha.. when i board the bus, i told god, please let me reach home by 1045pm.. and when i reach home, it’s not even 1045!! haha..

well, all i can say is.. he really listens to every single little things we said.. even if it is the smallest thing, he still listens to us.. all we have to do is to pray and have faith in him, juz believe and not doubt! :)