I Am Who I Am

thank god for giving many reminders..

i had been praying to God that i wanna hear his voice.. but i had never notice that god had already been speaking to me.. thank god i joined in the sharing for jamming yesterday.. thru uncle dingliang, i was reminded that god is already speaking to me for many times.. he pop me with a question, "cindy, 最近你有常听到上帝的声音对吗?" it was a bit sudden, and i stunt for a moment.. and replied, "ya, occasionally".. and he said that, he can feel tt i did hear god's voice.. coz he saw the change in my life.. :) hearing god's voice doesnt mean tt really have to hear god's voice.. but it may be just a thought tt came into the mind, may be something that you read, etc.. and i started to think and recall.. and yes, i've been hearing god's voice, and it's just that i did not know tt god is speaking to me.. but i'm glad tt now i know! thank god!

since the start of 2008, many negative thoughts came to me.. i was having doubts in whatever i do.. be it my work, my serving, etc.. i juz feel that i'm quite useless in whatever i do.. i seem to be not able to do things well as what i thought i have to.. but thank god for putting strong support by my side.. thank god for reminding me that i should not let all these negative thoughts have a hold over me.. i should not compare myself with others.. thank god for helping me to get out of all the struggles i had been facing.. i begin to learn how to accept myself for who i am, i learn how to accept my limitations, i learn how not to compare myself with others, i learn about humility too.. :)

god has been constantly reminding me "I AM WHO I AM"!

on friday, during the bible teaching in church, the topic was about i am who i am.. and yesterday cheri talked to me regarding my style of playing drums.. she told me that i should create a style of my own.. coz no matter how closely i imitate others, i juz cant play like them.. coz they are who they are.. i am not them, i cant play exactly like them.. and i should create a style of my own, and others would not be able to play like me too, coz they are not me.. yes, i thank god she talked to me about it.. god is once again reminding me that i am who i am.. and i recalled that at the beginning of the year, during youth prayer meeting, i think sarah and jiaying did pray for me abt creating a style of my own too.. i used to think about creating my own style.. but soon i forget about it, coz i dun have the courage to try out new stuffs.. i'm afraid of how pple look or think about me.. but thank god for this "wake up" call.. yes, i should not be imitating others.. i should create a style of my own.. :)

i was also greatly encouraged by what my sis told me.. it was something that she will never tell me in the past.. honestly, i'm not very close to my sis.. whenever i see others getting along really well with their sisters, i always wonder how come my sis and i can't be like them too.. but i believe tt god has his timing for everything.. he has the most perfect plan for all of us.. recently, i saw a change in my sis life too.. and god uses her to affirm me.. she told me, "i'm very proud of you, really proud of you".. i was really very touched when she told me this.. i believe the day that i'm hoping for will come very soon.. :) anyway, sis, i also wanna tell you that, "i'm very proud of you too.. no matter what, u're the most wonderful sis i have!" i really miss the time when we used to quarrel and fight with one another when we're younger.. coz tt is the time when we really get to communicate and interact wth each other.. :)

i had thank god many times on this, but i still have to give thanks to him today.. haha.. really thank god for providing chuan by my side, and is willing to listen to my sharing.. :) thank god for providing me someone whom i'm able to tok to freely.. there is no need for me to put on a mask.. there is no need for me to hide.. :) yes, i could share with her honestly.. thank god for changing me too.. if u wan me to do something like this in the past, it is a 100% impossible thingy.. i used to keep everything to myself.. i used to hide myself from people.. i'm like having a split personality.. i avoid talking about anything related to God, church, spiritual life when i'm out of church.. thank god, now i'm able to share abt my life, my experiences, etc.. i no longer hide as much as what i did in the past! haha!

i accepted christ when i was abt 7 yr old, though it's not a very good thing but i have to admit that i dun lead a good christian life, and i'm not a good christian before i turn 21.. thank god, at the age of 21, which is last year, he changed my life! a great change in my life after coming back from korea! although i'm a christian for many years, i have to say tt my spiritual life is not good.. yes, i juz started to lead a christian life since july 2007.. i'm juz like a new believer.. :) thank god for giving me the courage to admit and accept this fact.. and gave me the thought of getting myself a mentor.. but i'm not sure who will be the one.. haha.. anyway, have to pray about it.. but i'm sure that god will prepare one for me! :)